Hi singles!
I'm glad to be back. I've taken a mental break from writing but not from my purpose of encouraging and motivating you along your single journey. During my break, I've had time to reflect on some of the past topics and decided that I wanted to return with something fresh, new, and a real sense of thought that we as singles have experienced, that being, fantasizing. Fantasizing has been something that we have all been guilty of as singles. We are guilty of this one thing because we simply long to be with someone, in a relationship with, engaged to, married to, with kids, etc. There are different layers to this fantasy thing and I will uncover them as you read along. This blog is targeted towards all singles male & female, never married, divorced, and widowed so let's get into this thing.
Fantasizing, what is it exactly? Google dictionary describes fantasizing as indulging in daydreaming about something desired, and might I add, someone. What has stood out to me the most about this definition is the word "indulge". That's just too much thought of something or someone desired as if you can't let go of the thought of them. Then, it gets more intense because you start to write a story, paint pictures, & play scenarios in your mind of what you'd like your life to look like with that person or that thing. In other words, it's just your imagination getting the best of you. Listen, this is just way too much on the dome okay Lol! I mean, I get it, thinking of what you'd like your life to be like is okay, I mean, we all have the right to dream but fantasizing is on another level. Especially when you're used to it, & comfortable with it because you've been single just that long.
Let's peel back some layers of this fantasy thing. For those of us who are obviously single, fantasizing can bring with it a level of complacency. You feel a sense of self-satisfaction while there in your fantasy world. It can even sometimes feel real, depending on how long you stay there (mentally) but when it wears off or when someone or something takes your mind off of it, it's like reality sets in and you realize that you have to get it together because you've gone too far. Fantasizing can take you on a false journey of later, dissatisfaction. Let's keep it real, as singles, we've fantasized about someone we really like, interested in or perhaps an Ex that we've never gotten over and still love. Fantasizing about the "what-if's", what if we didn't break up, what if we got back together, what if we were still together, what if we got engaged, what if we were planning our wedding, what if we got married, what if we had kids, what if we did it differently, what if we had sex, and what if it was good, (I'm just being real) i'm single and I know of fellow singles who struggle with this. WHAT IF?! Whew, that's alot! There are also those who fantasize about a person they'd like to date and go on to fantasizing about the what if we get together, make it official, get married etc, you know where I'm going with this. All of that fantasizing can have you like Usher "so caught up".
Some of us have also fantasized about our life, our goals, dreams, and desires which can also play a part in your singleness and adding it as a factor to it all. I mean, we all want to be successful and have a successful relationship and marriage someday but sinking deep into a fantasy world can have you expecting things all too soon and some, unrealistic & unfair expectations. This can cause an area of concern when you do get into a real relationship. Because by then, you've painted a picture of what you want that you don't actually realize what you actually have nor take the time to embrace what's there.
Fantasizing is nothing more than a daydream. Fantasizing can get you caught up into a fairy-tale state of mind, so try to monitor your thoughts. I mean, monitor them closely too because if not, those thoughts will have you thinking about a different person everyday, fantasizing about your ex one day and then about the guy/girl you met in the mall the next day. Lol! You've got to put your mind in check, and quick. Remember part of this definition is to "indulge". Indulging thoughts can be toxic. Guard your thoughts and monitor how far they go because what you don't want to do is think your way into depression because you're fantasizing over someone or something but you're still single. It's like saying "don't get your hopes up" but in the way of not allowing your mind to comfortably live in a fantasy world. Think about what you're thinking about.
Fantasizing as mentioned previously is like a fairy-tale. Most of us females can probably recall our first time hearing our favorite fairy-tale as a little girl. The typical princess-prince story. The princess meets her prince, they fall in love, they share a kiss and they're married. It all happens fast! My favorite fairy-tale story is Cinderalla, but i'm in no way thinking of my life to be as such. It's just good entertainment. But sadly, some women are really waiting on their prince or knight in shining armor. I don't know about you, but I don't want either. Lol! I just simply want who God has for me and I hope you do also. It's time to escape fantasy land and step into reality. Don't get so caught up into a false fantasy that you forget how to pray and ask God for what you truly desire. He promises to give you the desires of your heart, yes, that even means a mate. Be specific when you pray for your mate and believe that in due time, you will meet him/her. Keep in mind though that desire and fantasy are totally different. Pray, wait with expectancy, and resist the urges to fantasize over something or someone that might not even be who nor what God has for you. Also, be careful when you slip into fantasizing because you can also slip into thinking lustful thoughts and we know that lust is a sin in the sight of God. "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
Be careful not to entertain that spirit of lust in the form of fantasizing. Instead, rid yourself of those thoughts, clear your mind and ask God to set you free from indulging in such practice. It's okay to desire, want, need, and of course be attracted to, but when it becomes an unhealthy pattern of fantasizing, that is when you need to give it up and get free from it. Singles, you can do it. Until next time, continue to embrace your singleness and keep praying & trusting God during the process. He has not forgotten about you.
Much love, peace, & blessings,
Demetria 💙🙏🏽
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Check out this tune by the incomparable Anita Baker entitled, Fairy Tales.
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