Happy Saturday singles! Thank you for returning for another blog. I hope that you have been encouraged, inspired, uplifted, and motivated so far. Our new topic will cover some fears that we as singles face and struggle within dating. I have faced and struggled with fears in dating and potential dating. Let’s just cut to the chase, I’ve faced the tormenting spirit of fear and have struggled with it for years, yes even now. I realize though, over and over again that as God has declared in His word “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”, 2 Timothy 1:7. The more I declare this scripture over my life and certain situations, the more I am reminded that fear can only come from one entity, that being Satan, the father of all lies and the deceiver. I want to cover the basics of fear and its origin before we go into detail about The Dating Fears. Fear in itself if not handled properly can be crippling and even worse, can develop strongholds of bondage. God’s desire for us is to live a victorious and shackle-free life, not to be held captive by Satan’s spirit of fear. Fear as we know it comes from Satan and it is a thief, a robber of faith, peace of mind, and courage. There’s proof in the word of God, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly”, John 10:10.
Let’s get into the meat of our topic. So, you might ask, or might even be wondering; what are the fears in dating? Before I address a few, please be aware that I don’t know all of them but I can only address those that I have experienced and even witnessed. In dating, we sometimes fear that the person we meet could have some similarities of others we’ve dated in the past all because we haven’t moved completely on and in our minds, we think they’re all the same. Some even make the mistake of thinking that because of one thing we've witnessed in our new dating life with another reminds us of our ex and we automatically determine, sometimes prematurely, that he or she just isn’t the one. Sometimes we've written them off instead of giving that dating experience time. Even if you and that person isn't a match, you can miss out on a good thing or possibly a good friendship if you decide to go that route. I’ve seen it and experienced it where it’s possible to develop a friendship with someone you’ve once dated or had an interest in/vice versa. I’ve even experienced that some people are in our lives for a reason and a season. Some of those dating experiences can turn out to be for the sole purpose of God using you as a vessel, to help someone in life or perhaps if like me, help them form a relationship with Christ, lead them to salvation or even help them to rededicate their life to Christ. This can also happen the other way around where that person you’re dating is there or was there to help and encourage you the same. Sometimes we can easily think that those dating experiences are something more when sometimes, they are. It’s when God has a way of bringing people together for His divine purpose and nothing more. So, don’t allow fear and quickly labeling someone because of your past experiences to cause you to miss out on a potentially wonderful and purposeful experience.
Let’s talk about the fear of someone getting to know you while dating. I want to clear this up, when I say getting to “know” I don’t mean sexually as in the bible LOL! I mean getting to know who you are as an individual. So, now that that is made clear, we can move on. The fear of letting someone in on who you are that you are dating can be a common trend in early dating experiences. It’s that common fear of the unknown and those what if’s. Some think “if I let he/she know certain things about me, they might end up knowing just enough to mess over me”, or "I don't want this person in my business right now, I will open up when I get ready" & granted, I feel you on that because you have to feel people through and observe. Some even think less is best, "the less they get to know about me, the less they will have control over me”. This individual would probably much rather them get to know more about the person they are dating instead of that person getting to know them and honestly, I don’t think it’s ok for starters, because at that point you are holding up a guard, leaving that person to now assume things about you and before you know it, those assumptions are made and now you don’t like them. Don’t leave the door open to assumptions. That is one thing that I abhor in any relationship, assumptions. Many times, assumptions can be false but unfortunately, some ride on assumptions of others and that’s just not cool. I am not saying to let that person in on all things about you. They don't need an "all about me" presentation right away, I mean, leave something to their imagination and interest of their own in you. Allow them to be intrigued by you. You just might be enraptured. Now, dpon’t spill your beans all at once but don’t leave them cooking in the pot for a very long time either, because at some point, they will burn and no one likes burnt beans. Think about burnt beans as that person who has been burned out with you not allowing them to get to know a little more about you each time you get together. Serve them a little at time, portion it out well. Did I make you hungry? LOL! I just wanted to share that analogy, but I’m sure you get where I am coming from. So, don’t allow fear of allowing someone to get to know you to keep you from getting to know a potentially wonderful person.
Let’s discuss this big one, the fear of falling in love while dating. Yes, it’s quite possible to be dating someone and fall in love with them. You know the familiar phrase “love at first sight”. I’m sure that it can happen. Just think of a mother when she gives birth to her baby, she instantly experiences love at first sight when she lays eyes on her new baby. So, I think of dating to be somewhat similar when you experience love at first sight, only with some, not possibly with all who you date. It’s that certain individual that captures your heart, it’s like your answered prayer. However, some of us fear falling in love because of a few reasons. Some fear falling in love because they don’t know what to expect. Like, what can become of this if I fall in love with him/her? Will this be the one for me, or is this just a phase or infatuation? Some even fear falling in love because of past dating and relationship experiences that didn’t last. If you fell in love before, you can fall in love again, just heal and give yourself some time, and a chance. It is possible. It’s simply called, another chance so don’t be afraid. Falling in love with someone can carry lots of emotion and excitement, but when you know what it is, you can accept it, move on with it and allow it to grow . It is a beautiful experience, so don’t be scared. Let it happen naturally and enjoy that stage of your dating/relationship. I’m sure there are more fears but I may just come back with a part two, I just wanted to address a few common ones, so that’s all for now.
On that note, I’ll end with the next fear being Relationship Fears, but you will have to stay tuned because I will cover this topic in my upcoming blog. I hope that you’ve enjoyed this blog topic. As always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, comment below. If you would like to start a discussion on this topic or even give feedback (which I greatly welcome and encourage) please do so in the comment section. I would love to hear from you!
Well, until next time, take care & stay safe out there!
Much love, peace, & blessings,
~Demetria~
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