Welcome back singles! I've been away for a couple of weeks, as I was busy with my small business but I am happy to be back.
Let's talk about the struggles we face as singles. We all know the familiar quote "the struggle is real". I only agree with that to a certain point because that depends on what you or I consider to be a struggle. There is also a gospel song that's entitled "The Struggle Is Over". Now that, I can clap my hands on a totally agree to because even though you may be struggling with your singleness or may have in the past, at some point you've got to realize that the struggle will be over. As I pondered on this, deciding on whether or not to write a blog concerning this topic, I immediately thought, "I need to look up the definition of the word struggle". Not that I don't know what the word means but because I wanted a formal definition just in case something different stood out to me & asurdely, it did. It hits different when you read the actual definition of a word. So, during my writing and research this is what I found. Merriam-Webster's definition of Struggle is to proceed with difficulty or with great effort. The great effort part is what grasped my attention the most. We often look at struggling to be as what the definition says, something difficult, but there is also great effort and I look at that as a light at the end of a tunnel. There were also similar definitions of this word but this is what best fits the topic, so I want to piggyback on the definition and tie in the topic.
Sometimes we can find found ourselves proceeding with difficulty to be single for a while after a break-up. The great effort to move forward is just not so great in actuality, because the struggle is not just real, it can also be heavy at times.
Let's talk about some of the struggles we face as singles and before I list some, please understand that I may miss a few and if you just so happen to think of some, please feel free to list & elaborate on them in the comments section. I'd love us to discuss this further. I will begin by saying that one struggle we face is simply being single. Some of us have been single for a short time and some (like me) for a long time (but who's counting) LOL! However, this is a common struggle for most singles, but remember, the wait is a process you do not want to cheat yourself out of or skip out on all because you couldn't handle the struggle of waiting. Embrace the wait, it's going to be worth it!
Another struggle is wondering "will I ever be in a relationship or find the one"? Hey, I've been here too, a few times but this is one place I don't allow myself to reside for long because I realize that it's only a temporary thought & season. I know my story will change someday and I am believing the same for you. However, this particular struggle can linger if you allow it. When this thought comes, intercept it and encourage yourself that where you are is not where you will always be. Remember that it's only a season, and sometimes it's very necessary for you to accept what is in that moment of your life and be prepared for who and what God has for you in your latter days.
Some of us struggle with wondering "am I good enough?" or "am I attractive enough?" We've all had this struggle when we get caught sitting in our feelings wondering if the reason we're still single is because we feel we aren't good enough or attractive. No, that's not it. However, we must keep in mind that although attraction plays a very important part in romantic relationships, it also has its layers. Many think that attraction is just of physical appearance and yet that is true, but it is not the only layer, the other layer is attraction of one's personality. I look at both! I mean, hey how many of us know someone who is very attractive by appearance but their personality is far from it, not so attractive. Do you see where I am going with this? For those who think you're not good enough, I would challenge you to first, look in the mirror (not physical) but take some time out to look deep down within yourself, analyze and seek out those areas where you feel you aren't good enough and purposely work towards making what you feel is not so good about you, better. With God's help & your efforts, it can happen.
Another struggle is dating. Dating can get to be a bit much. I haven't dated in so long but I have in the past. I tried dating just a few people and wow, that was like too much all at once trying to get to know them. (No sex, just conversation) but that was alot for me because I was always used to just being in a committed relationship. When I had the opportunity to date, I was like wait this is all together different, not so bad but just something I wasn't used to right away. Some would rather date several at once and some would rather one here, one there not two and three or more dates a week. Yes, talk about a struggle, this would be it LOL! Some of you can handle it, while some like me would much rather date a certain person for a little while (depending on how it's going) and if it doesn't work out, move on and wait until the next interest comes along. Then there would be no need to struggle because you don't have to juggle trying to get to know a few all at once. LOL!
This is a big one, the struggle to abstain or remain celibate. Sex! Yes, I said it! LOL! We are all mature adults and sometimes when those touchy feelings, urges, and hormones get to running rampant, the struggle really be upon us and it's difficult sometimes to ignore and shake off but, i'm here to tell you that it is possible! So, by now you should know that I am very transparent, and there is no shame in my game by sharing with you that I am celibate and I have been for a LONG time. I've totally lost count of the years and I've never been a math scholar so there you have it. LOL! However, this is a huge struggle for some. While for others, it's not and to each his own. But those like me to who choose to remain celibate, (I didn't say a virgin) until marriage it can be difficult sometimes to remain committed to the process but with great effort and a made up mind, it can be done. I'm a witness and I remain pleased with my decision and efforts to remain faithful to my commitment towards maintaining my celibacy. I want to encourage you that you can do the same if you so desire. If you've struggle with it, how about you give a try and start today. Today is your day, you can do it! At first, it wasn't easy for me, but after having my heart broken, I was ready for a different and new walk. I realized that it would be worth it and that it would be pleasing to God. I went all in and since then, I am happy that I did. Don't allow this to be a struggle that overtakes you, instead, you over take it with the willpower you never thought you had, it's there, just grasp hold of it.
The last struggle is pain. We've all experienced this during some point in our singleness after a breakup, divorce, or after losing a spouse. The struggle to move on is sometimes stagnant by brokenness and heartbreak. After a break up, we all deal with it differently. I know that for me, after my 2nd 3yr relationship, I was so distraught. My head was hurting for days. I felt that I was never gonna find true love again. I was giving up until I realized that I was missing something, and that someone was God, who can heal and mend my broken heart. Not long after that I also realized that I wanted a closer walk with Him, and since then I've been on cloud 9. It hasn't always been easy though, but it has been worth it.
For some, a divorce has been your struggle. The difficult process of moving on and even seeking the possibility of ever being married again might seem like a blur. I've heard from close friends who are divorced that it can feel like death because the person who you became one with has moved on and you've both gone your separate ways. Now, you're back to where you started, single again and for some, feeling that draining spirit of loneliness can be exhausting. Well, it's not over for you either, God is a God of not just a 2nd chance, but another chance.
Another struggle is losing a spouse. This is something that I can't imagine experiencing, but I empathize with anyone who has experienced such. I've had close friends and loved ones who had to say goodbye to a spouse that they were not through loving. I encourage any singles who have had the difficult task of laying a spouse to rest that God promises to never leave nor forsake you. I've never been in your shoes so I dare not say that I know how you feel but I do know that God is a healer, keeper, restorer, and way-maker & He loves you! God can re-write your story and help you past your pain.
So, this ends my topic of single struggles. As mentioned before, if you know of any other struggles singles from all walks of life may face, drop it in the comments and let's continue this needed discussion.
Keep this in mind; "The struggle doesn't have to be your sentence. Stand strong and soar, and know that God will see you through."
I'll share a few scriptures with you about overcoming struggles of any kind, not just those mentioned:
Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 8:17-18 "17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (My favorite, verse 18) 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
As always, I hope and pray that you've been encouraged, uplifted and inspired by something that I've said.
Much love, peace, & blessings,
Demetria
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