The talented and popular R&B girls group TLC of the late 80s early 90s recorded a song in 1999 entitled "Unpretty". I still like this song to this day, oh & the video. LOL!
This song talks about someone (be it male or female) who is struggling with self-esteem issues because of who they are involved with in a relationship. The person is trying to convince their person of interest or mate to like/love them more or please them rather by doing things to adorn or quote on quote, improve their physical appearance. In other words, doing what makes the other person happy or what makes them feel better about themselves, looking a certain way. Ask yourself ladies, is it worth to be with a guy who doesn't love me for me & would much rather compare me to other females? Or fellas, is it worth being with a female who doesn't like you for you and would rather you look like "the other guy" instead as if she had had a Ken doll & in my opinion, Ken is not.... cute, at all. LOL! My people, what you must realize is that you are not a build-a-bear. As Mary J. Blige says, "take me as I am, or have nothing at all". Now I'm talking specifically to those who dress decent, modest, neat, clean, presentable, and even attractive to most, but your person of interest/mate isn't satisfied with you being and looking just the way you ate and instead just wants you to look the way they want you to. I mean, i'd pause right here and just say to them, chill.... You see, I have ALWAYS BEEN the type of woman to dress classy, respectful of my body and appearance leaving all else to one's imagination or whatever... LOL! Anyway... I was once in a relationship with someone whom liked me to wear my hair a certain way, mind you, my hair was always neat and hung long & beautifully, but I had to wear a certain style most times because that's what my guy liked. Also, he just felt the need to dress me and pick out my clothes for me. For a while, I thought it was cool, cute and the way a relationship was supposed to be until after a while, it got old and I was like, no... this has got to stop. I'm being told how to dress and look a certain way, which is a form of control just to please someone else's selfish desires and in the end it's never good enough.
This is when you have to sit back and think if that is what you really want, someone always waiting to hand out stamps of approvals to you. However, it's okay to buy me something every now and then, but dressing me from head to toe, criticizing me, making fun of me on the slick, my slight weight gain/weight loss, etc, and so forth is not okay. I mean, a compliment ever now and then will do, but it's just not in some people when their tunnel vision of you is all to please their visual only. If you say absolutely nothing when you're not okay with the situation, this can lead to you developing low self-esteem and feeling "unpretty". If you are having this issue with yourself, low self-esteem, and no sense of self worth, then it's time you re-evaluate yourself and work on loving you more to the point where wearing makeup or nah, all... kinds of hair (because I know ladies, we like what we like) and whatever is okay! However, when it gets to point where you are going overboard to please him/her then you are allowing them to define who you are when you're not who you really are, because you are masking into someone else, it's like you're in disguise, shuks, even feeling like you don't even know your true self anymore. No sis, no bro, you have to believe that you are beautiful, lovely, pretty, gorgeous, & handsome just the way you are.
Now, I am in no way knocking all of the things and extra effort made to look a certain way, because sometimes doing a little something extra to not only wear what they like but also wear what you like is perfectly fine, it's just when it becomes a thing of the norm to please your mate just to get their approval and it becomes overwhelming, is when it develops into an issue. If they can't accept you for who you are, as Beyoncé says "flaws and all " and always have to complain about things expecially things you cannot change, then they don't need you and you sure don't need them. I'm not saying to go around looking just any old way, LOL! but don't go out of your way to look a certain way just to please someone else and at the end of the day, you're not okay with it and you feel used and controlled (UnHappy, UnAttractive & UnPretty). Like me for instance, I am natural, and have been since April 2011. I am not about to go and get a relaxer, or cut my hair just because I meet a guy and he doesn't like natural hair or long hair. Yes, I met a guy who didn't like natural hair, (and mind you I said, "met" not dated) but did I settle for a relaxer just to get him to stick around and like me, nope, I kept it moving hunni. "Ain't gonna happen", if you don't like me with my natural hair, big fro pony, rocking my curly bush, twists, twist out, braids, etc. then by all means sir, keep it moving in the next direction. LOL! My fellas, this if for you too, if she can't accept you for who you are knowing you're a clean cut guy, then maybe she can keep trucking too. LOL!
This actually happens, I know of someone personally who had a rare skin condition, very... handsome, humble, respectful, fun-loving, kind-hearted young man but the girlfriend whom he was with realized after a year or so that she no longer wanted to be with him because of his rare skin condition that actually wasn't a big thing on the outer appearance. Her reaction to his condition affected his self-esteem a bit. What?! Yes, believe it. People are actually like this. "Now that you have changed slightly in appearance, I don't wanna be around you, you're not attractive anymore." So cruel and selfish. However, I'd be thanking them for showing me who they really are instead of finding out later that they really didn't like me, or cheated on me. This is the kind of situation that drives people to low self-esteem Ave. But I am here to encourage you to pick yourself up, and as the saying goes, live, laugh, and love. Embrace all of you and all that you are becoming! Work your you and wave goodbye to that lying spirit called unattractive and unpretty. You are beautiful my sister and you are good-looking and handsome my brother no matter your flaws or what that person wants to make you out to be all because of their selfish desires and insecurities. You are made perfect in God's eyes, He is your creator and everything He created is good. Don't allow anyone to tear you down to the point wear you are buying STUFF just to look a certain way around them to impress them, their family and friends. You impress people by being who you are, and if they are not impressed then it's okay, no love lost, just keep it moving. You only change for God, yourself, and to improve you, not to receive anyone else's stamp of approval or to please them. I'll leave it like this, as long as you have nice teeth, & good hygiene, then you've already passed a couple prerequisites. LOL! I had to make you laugh! Remember this scripture, Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." You are God's workmanship and He made you just the way you are! FLAWLESSly FAVORed!
Be blessed, be encouraged and be you!
Much love,
~Demetria~
コメント