Welcome back Singles! Have you ever been hurt, heart broken and betrayed but instead of moving on, you find yourself interested in someone else or vice versa and eventually end up in another relationship? Well if you can relate, then I have somethings’ to share with you. I will begin with a story I'd like to share with you about a beautiful young lady who was in a relationship that seemed to have been marriage bound but only lasted a few years. This young lady, was in a three year relationship that was everything she wanted on the surface and in the beginning. She had it going on, the guy she wanted, looks, beliefs, faith but some other things were missing... However, she overlooked those things to encourage him to hopefully change a bit or really motivate him. It wasn't all that bad... I mean what he was lacking wasn't all that bad and she convinced herself to look past the flaws because she wasn't judgmental but she wanted to help him repair somethings in his life and push him to success. Now, they went on dating and then eventually formed a relationship, after a while she began noticing red flags, and other things such as the control issues and so forth however, she still stayed to hopefully to see things get better. I mean it still wasn't all that bad... until she realized that enough was enough and the guy who she thought she would marry was really someone who was only seasonal. I mean there were great times in that relationship but there were also those times where she clearly couldn't see a future with this guy because things just weren't adding up and his controlling ways and manipulative actions were just beginning to be too much for her to bear. So after going back and forth trying to work things out and see things through and having to say no to marriage she realized this was about to end. Enough was just enough. You see, prior to this relationship she had only been a few months out of her previous relationship which was also a few years... mind you those relationships weren't all that bad but just wasn't what God had in store for her or them after a while. The one currently mentioned though was yeah... different but she was so hurt from the previous that after being introduced to the new guy she didn't think about her healing process. Ever heard of a rebound??? Well that's kind of what she experienced because she was only 6 months out of a relationship breakup that hurt her to the CORE... but 6 months later she found herself in a new relationship tagging along expectations and welcoming new ones based on the heartbreak she endured previously. When she should have taken the time out to heal. She wasn't thinking, all she wanted was someone... and that someone was introduced to her by someone else. At 1st she was hesitant and shy about it LOL! but later she realized that hey, “he is everything I wanted in looks, he's a believer, he's a man of faith” and besides she said it was time for her to move on. Well fast forward to now, she says that she hasn't been in a relationship for quite a few years now. She says she has even lost count LOL! Well that is because she decided that this time, she will heal before she deals. You see, she was out of one relationship and a few months later into another one not giving herself time to heal from the first one so that means when the 2nd relationship ended she had to really look back and see that her healing process was more important than just covering up her wounds and hurt with another relationship. She is now in a much better place and has been for years to where she can look back and say that she now knows the importance of healing before moving into another relationship or even considering making herself available for another relationship. She ministers to and encourages other singles to heal before they deal and so…much more because she has been there a few times and knows first hand that it's not always the wisest thing to do. You she, she was.... yeah she was me!
I decided to be transparent a bit with this one and get a bit... personal in this blog. I mean I wanted to save this for another format/platform at a later time but felt compelled to share at this time in this way. However, I didn't go into very much detail about my experiences because I wanted to deliver my message appropriately and respectfully and mainly just to offer you a glimpse of my personal real life experiences just to drive this baby home so that yeah... you'd get it! LOL! My friend, please know that it is very important to “HEAL BEFORE YOU DEAL.” This is a quote that is now a title (you're reading about) that dropped in my spirit years ago when I was thinking about these experiences and how we as singles cheat ourselves of the opportunity to heal first. When you don't heal and heal properly, you are subject to vulnerability, settling, more hurt, & creating unrealistic expectations from another. Healing is what I would call a vital part of your singleness because in order to be able to truly move on and prepare for the next relationship, you must take time out to allow those wounds to fully heal. Don't just dress them up and patch them up for a moment, no treat and care for them as often as you can until you are fully healed.
I'll put it like this, for instance, you have a pretty bad wound and that wound is not one that can just take a band aid, no you need to tend to it every day, see a doctor often, maybe get medical advice and medicine to help treat it and for some help numb the pain. You need to rest and allow that wound to heal naturally and trust God to do what only He can do best, and that's ultimately heal you. Now look at your wound as a relationship break-up, heart break, or brokenness in whatever way it occurs and now instead of you patching up that wound with a band-aid, you tend to it often by; seeking medical attention (those who are there to encourage help you along during your healing process). Get medicine to help treat it by (reading inspirational quotes, books, and scriptures etc,) rest by taking time out for you, getting to know more about you that you could have been unaware of or not even had the time to value in the former relationship. Most importantly, pray and seek God because He is your true healer. Isaiah 53:5 states that "But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed." You are healed! Take what you went through and use it to help someone in their healing process. You never know who you can help down the line just by doing your part and healing first. Also, your healing can show you things about you that you didn't notice while you were in those relationships. It's simple you guys, HEAL before you DEAL. Capitalize on that self-rewarding opportunity! I don't think I can put it any better than this. Before you deal (move into another potential relationship), heal up 1st, no matter how long it takes because your healing process should not have a specific time limit! It is important to move on after you have recovered. Hardly no one jumps right out of bed and back to normal activity after being wounded, because they would endanger themselves even more if they did and cause more pain which turns into more time to heal. Then that's not fair to you and those in your corner helping to take care of you and encourage you along the way, nor will it be fair to prematurely exit your healing process wounded with carrying expectations for someone else to help you heal. No, go through the recovery process first then once you are healed, have been rehabilitated and renewed mind, body and soul, then prepare to move on refreshed and feeling better than before with a clear mindset. That way when you meet someone else who might be interested in you or vice versa, you will be ready to deal because you have healed but deal well, and remain head strong knowing your worth.
I hope you've enjoyed this read, please hit up the comment section you guys. I often peruse the site to see if there are any comments so I'd love to chat it up with you. Just feel free to share your feedback, ask questions, address concerns, share your thoughts etc! I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Most of all though, I really hope and pray that you've been blessed!
Much love, peace, & blessings!
Demetria "MeMe" Henry
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