Not On My Watch

Welcome back singles! This week we are covering the topic “Not On My Watch”. So often we hear this phrase mentioned in daily conversations, but I will like to put a spin on it. As singles, we encounter different people that can be of interest to us and vice versa, but there are some that you know after a while of dating them can be just a waste of time. Our key topic simply conveys that there is no time to be wasted while dating. It’s either you’re worth the time or you’re not. Have you ever dated or tried to establish a relationship with someone and thought later that this just appears to be a waste of time? Well, I sure have, and I would like to share a true story with you. I was talking to a guy (potentially dating, no relationship) who I rarely would see in person. He would call and text me every now and then. I seen him about seven times in which consisted of a year and three months. Granted, I would call or text him a few times also, but then the calls and texts eventually got less as time went on. Whenever we would talk, the conversation would mostly be centered around him, his work life, his money, his tangibles, light drama at times and cars which he absolutely loves. After a while, I got so tired of the same old conversation. I rarely was asked, “how have you been”, “how was your day”, “how are you feeling", etc. It was mostly a self-centered conversation. I would always ask him how was he doing, how was his day/week going, how was work, how was he feeling, how was his mother and son, you know just simply showing genuine interest. However, these same concerns were infrequently reciprocated. After a while, the pointless one-sided conversations got very old and that’s when I realized that he was not someone I would consider myself dating let alone form a relationship with. I had let it go on for over a year and that’s fairly long enough to allow someone to be so egocentric and not want anything else other than to talk about themselves. I got tired, and I gave up on whatever that was. It was also in that very moment when I said to myself, “no more wasted time, not on my watch.” I had enough of potentially dating someone who didn’t care about anyone but himself nor even cared to discuss potentially moving in the direction of a relationship. I thought to myself, how can I be with someone who only thinks of them self and only call or text me when he wants to be bothered or when it benefits him? My answer was, I simply cannot and will not. After a while, I realized that he just wasn't the type of man I had been praying for nor desired. So, I would have done a disservice to myself had I stayed around and allowed him to continue to call and text me whenever he got ready or when it benefited him. I was also tired of his unappreciative attitude. I was taught by my parents and grandparents to say “thank-you” when someone does something thoughtful for you, I was not taught to say “oh, you got jokes” especially when someone purchases something for you to help monitor your health better. I was checked on my good-deed by a very close friend of mine that told me “sis, you were out of line.” When she said that, I knew exactly what she meant and I took that in love. I was definitely out of line for going out of my way for someone that I was not in a relationship with and who did not appreciate even the thought of me caring about his health. However, I remembered that hey, I know that what I did was a simple act of kindness as I would do for any of my friends, family members and someone in need, besides, "God loves a cheerful giver" 2 Corinthians 9:7. So the giver in me will keep on giving, but I will not allow another unappreciative and ungrateful person to treat me in such a manner again. I will just pay more attention to the signs, red flags, be more careful & most of all more prayerful next time. My message to you is to not allow anyone to waste your time. Whether that be dating, or in a relationship. If there are character flaws, red flags, issues, baggage, disrespect, abuse of any kind, unwanted stress, confusion, etc. let it go. Also, if that person is just not what you want, or you’re not what they want, don’t waste time stringing them along and don’t allow them the time to string you along. Sometimes we know right away or after a few phone conversations and/or dates when someone is just not what we truly desire. It is nonsensical to just hold on to someone just for the heck of it or just because you’re afraid of and don’t want to be alone. This goes back to, “don’t settle" because if you do, you can miss out on potentially getting to know, dating, or working to build a relationship with someone else and so could the person you were previously dating. Please pay attention to the time because time is precious and wasted time is unwise especially if nothing beneficial, meaningful, or purposeful comes from it. I mean, you wouldn’t want this to be a reason you’d have to re-claim your time right? LOL! It’s like being on the phone with someone all day or all night. All you hear is breathing, annoying background noises, and questions like, “what are you doing”, “are you asleep”, “what are you eating”, “what are you watching”, and then it’s back to the breathing and annoying background noises again. Your time should be valued especially if you are trying to get to know someone and vice versa. You should enjoy conversing with that person and they should enjoying conversing with you. You should look forward to their calls and texts. You should get excited when you're asked out on a date. You should feel appreciated and vice versa. There should be a great deal of interest and spark when you and that person share conversation, and when you're in one another's company. If we are interested in each other, then after a while when the timing is right, let’s talk about dating, let’s talk about building a relationship, and from there we can figure out what this can potentially lead to. If like me, I am one that's interested in dating to potentially establish a committed relationship, to later on down the line, join together in marriage, not to carelessly go from one person to the next. However, I do understand that some singles would prefer to just date in that way. They would prefer to entertain one person after the other, but there are some like me that wants a committed relationship and eventually a forever together with the desires of our hearts and that would be defined as dating with purpose, and dating to marry. Singles, let’s continue to consult God because if what you're involved or interested in is a God thing, then it is destined to work out according to His perfect will, way, and in His perfect timing. That is all for now. Please like, comment, and share if this weeks’ blog has encouraged, inspired, or enlightened you in any way.

Much love, peace, & blessings, ~Demetria