SINGLE: "The Teen Edition"

Hey! This weeks’ blog has been written for a very special group of people, my teen-aged friends, mainly those of you who are between the ages of 16-19. This is pretty much the age bracket when interests in dating and curiosity of boyfriend/girlfriend begin. Parents of teenagers, if you are reading this blog today, PLEASE share this with your teenager(s) and allow them to read it. I promise it is Rated-G. I keep things child-proof and spirit lead, but I also keep it real and 100. So, let’s get into today’s topic. Most often when teenagers begin to seek interest in others, they don’t put very much thought, and responsibility into the dating/courtship or relationships. I want to offer some very valuable advice and tips to you that will hopefully help you avoid unnecessary mistakes and messes. I know oh’ so well that when you began to seek interest in someone you might not consider the challenges, temptation, hurts and trouble that can catch you by surprise or catch you slipping. I know that temptation comes in many forms such as social media, the hype degrading messages in song lyrics, curiosity, peer pressure, and popularity stance just to name a few, but I am here to help you not be so gullible and give in to any of it.

First, I want to talk to my teen girls. Girls, I know at this age you might be interested in boys, however there are some things that you must be aware of. When it comes to dating and relationships, your maturity level and discipline has to be developed to the point that you are aware of all that can possibly come with dating and relationships. For instance, sometimes, teenage boys might not always be thinking about the carefulness and fragility of dealing with your heart as well as their own. They might say things they know you’d like to hear or perhaps what they feel might easily persuade you into taking things further such as; you’re pretty, cute, beautiful, fine, sexy, smart, just my type, etc. Girls, you should already know that you are beautiful etc. You don't need anyone to validate you.There are things that we should learn and be aware of early on before the dating and relationships start. There are some things that we as adults wish we would have learned earlier on but as the saying goes, you live and you learn. However, I am here to offer some advice, encouragement and tips in your singleness as a teen (which you should embrace and take your time with) because it is a gift and what you learn now can prepare you for when you become an adult and dating/courtship presents itself. Some boys and yes, some girls too have their slick lines and immature games they play to get what they want out of you such as (as much as I don’t want to bring it up) sex, a kiss (which can lead to other acts) etc.

Teens, lets discuss how precious and important it is to keep yourself. When I say keep yourself, I mean remaining a virgin until you are married, simply put. I told you I’d keep it 100. It is very important to not allow anyone to take that away from you. Your virginity is your most prized possession. There is nothing sad, weird, or whack about being a virgin. It is rewarding and empowering. Your peers who are having sex may think it is cool and might think that it is also cool to engage in sexual acts but it’s a dangerous and risky situation especially when it comes to STD’s and teen pregnancy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I will never look down on, stereotype, or judge teenage pregnancy because the fact of the matter is that mistakes happen and life happens sometime but my purpose is to give you the real so that you can avoid going down this road and it all starts with valuing YOU. You are worth more than just a compliment with hidden motives to only get something out of you. You are worth more than just a moment. You are worth a lifestyle and if someone does not understand that your single lifestyle doesn’t include sex, then they are straight up not the one for you. Period! God tells us in his word, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God….” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5. Here in this scripture, Paul is contrasting a believer who has no self-control over his body, is lustful and does not know God, while the other has self-control control over his body and is living a life pleasing to God because he knows God. So the question is asked; Is giving of yourself to someone you just met few minutes, days weeks or months ago who is not your husband or wife all due to a lack of self-control worth it? Pleasure is not always purpose. Stand strong in knowing who you are. Work on developing your character; learn your true character and personality. Remember, you don’t always need someone else to tell you how pretty, handsome, and fine you are just to feel accepted and to be easily won over by just a few words. No, handle your-self with care, hold your head up, focus on accomplishing your goals, focus on your education, and most importantly, pray and seek God’s perfect will and purpose(s) for your life. Once you know what your purpose is, work to fulfill your purpose. God has great plans for you! He promises in His word, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Jeremiah 29:11. Something tells me that you have a lot to look forward to.

Boys, just like the girls I know you are interested in dating and having a girlfriend, but I want you to think about a few things first before you jump out there, remember it’s not all about the compliments girls will give you such as “you are handsome”, you’re cute”, “you’re fine” etc. While all of that is true, you need to not get so caught up into just words because there are some girls who also have a few things up their sleeves so don’t be easy, value yourself boys. Teens, it is okay to have a friend you’re interested in, but let it be known that the key word and 2nd part to this compound word is FRIEND. When you are friends, you’re just enjoying someone’s friendship, with no strings attached, no specific expectations, and no mind games. Friends are there for one another. Friends care for one another and look out for each other. They enjoy fun and clean times together and the love they have for one another comes without motives. Most importantly though, friends hold each other accountable and are trustworthy. When being involved with a girlfriend/boyfriend, keep your hands to yourself because touching leads to other areas and other things. My grandmother used to say that “kissing and touching leads to other things”. Guess what, she was right! So my advice to you comes from years of past experience, and that is, don't do it. Just like your mom may have told you when she would bring you to the store with her “don’t touch anything in these people store”, you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend the same thing in a manner of respect so that you will receive respect, don’t touch me, especially inappropriately. No, look, a hug is okay but anything passed that… let’s chill out, aight’… LOL! Put those hormones in check and remember self-control. You can do it!

Let’s get to the mushy stuff and talk about break-ups and heart break. Ouch! I know… no one really wants to go through this but hey, it happens to the best of us. However, when you began to consider your puppy love (a crush often felt during childhood and adolescence) someone you want to take it to the next level with (hopefully not sex) you began to spend more time together on the phone, text alot, in person, on outings together and even family gatherings. At some point when things began to get rocky and the relationship is heads for doom, your heart drops and you feel pain that you may have never experienced before and let me tell ya, there’s nothing like heartbreak for the 1st time. It’s like your whole life is over. Why? Because this is someone perhaps you loved, loved, loved you, and eventhought you were in love with. Keep in mind I said thought because oftentimes as teenagers we confuse infatuation with being in love with someone and think that because your boyfriend or girlfriend bought you things, complimented you when it was convenient, and touched you in ways they shouldn’t have, that it’s time to say these three words “I love you”. No baby, that comes with lots of work, truly knowing what love is and experience that as a teenager you learn about, but as an adult you actually experience. Keep in mind, games are often played meaning sometimes, it’s not just you because temptation and lust seeks others which welcomes unfaithfulness. What your teen-aged life doesn’t teach you, your adult life will test and try you, but when you have the necessary tools to navigate these experiences, you develop a strong sense of self-awareness and worth.

I will leave you with this if you are dating and perhaps in a relationship right now, take your time to develop a friendship if you see potential. Don’t be so easy, and don’t be a push-over. Know your worth even at a tender age. Most importantly, focus on your education and God being the center of your joy and head over your life. If anything or anyone should get in your head it should be first and foremost, God and His word, your parents/guardians, Pastors, teachers, mentors, and academics. Listen to those who are trying to help you, who wants nothing but the very best for you and those who encourage you along the way. Cherish the gems and rich lessons you’ve been given. Even when you don’t want to hear it, and think you know it all and got it all figured out, just know that maybe you don't, so stop, listen and take heed. Those people and lessons will carry you throughout your entire life and most of all, you will be able to reach back and apply all that you’ve learned to situations in your adulthood/life. Teenagers, you have a lot going for you, so don’t rush adulthood, it’ll come in time, but cherish your youthfulness, because it only come once in a lifetime. Look at your virginity as gold medal. Not many people win a goal medal, but you can! Once you give of yourself, just know that you can’t get that back and I don’t want you living with regret all because of a moment. Once you give your gold medal to someone else, it’s gone for good. So hold on to it as long as you can, preferably until your adulthood proves that you are ready to be married which come in time. Besides, you don’t even need to be focusing on that right now anyway. I hope that I’ve inspired and empowered you today. Embrace your singleness!

Much love, peace, and Blessings,

Demetria (MeMe)

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