There's A Flag On The Play

Welcome back to Singles Pray & Wait! I hope that you've enjoyed the blogs so far. Well, today we will be talking about RED FLAGS!

Why are Red flags overlooked in relationships? Before we jump right into it, let's discuss what a red flag is. A red flag is a constant manipulation and abuse of power over you. In other words, when you notice or feel that something "just ain't right," that is your intuition or the Holy Spirit warning you. We tend to say often, "My gut is telling me that something isn't right." Whether you feel it's your intuition, gut, or the Holy Spirit, you know that something doesn't feel right. Often we ignore red flags because we don't recognize what they are nor who they are. We shouldn't overlook red flags. They can cause problems down the line. We even mistake them for habits, but nope, a habit is a habit, & a red flag is a red flag. Pay attention to the Red flags in relationships, with family, friendships, co-workers, or romantic relationships, can all vary and look different but bring about the same damaging effects. However, since we are singles potentially dating, have dated, and some marriage bound, we all have probably experienced red flags at some point. Whether you were on a date or in a committed relationship, that might've even potentially been marriage bound at some point (hopefully), and here come those red flags. Things began to get weirdly fascinating, huh? Here are some examples of red flags that we will discuss; jealousy, insecurity, controlling, untruthfulness, manipulation, selfishness, verbal abuse, etc. There are a few more, but I will stick to those mentioned.

Let's start with the jealousy flag. Jealousy is when someone doesn't like you for whatever reason. Jealousy is that green-eyed-devil. In relationships, jealousy can be your significant other, someone who doesn't like you, your look, personality, character, status, career, gifts/talents, etc. In relationships, it could be a person who's not okay with you complimenting someone of the opposite sex, jealous of your relationship with others, whether family, friends, co-workers, etc. Jealousy in a relationship can also be when your significant other tries to discourage you from your purpose. They wish it could be them experiencing the successes you are experiencing when supporting you.

The insecurity flag is the opposite of confidence. Dating/being in a relationship with an insecure person can be draining. A spirit of insecurity can weigh heavy on your relationship. insecure people can be "yes" men. Saying "yes" to everything so you would like them more. Insecure people often complain when things aren't good enough for them. Insecure people are also often uncertain and anxious about everything. They are easy to break. Some might even intentionally offend or bully someone only to make themselves feel good. It can put a strain on any relationship. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who is always insecure and causing your relationship to be null and void, hardly experiencing any growth. Don't allow yourself to settle for the flag of insecurity.

The controlling flag is a big one. This flag is up when someone wants to control not just the relationship but you as well. A controlling person will tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, what to eat, how to eat, may even question why haven't you eaten yet. Where are you going, who are you going with, why are you going, how long will you be gone. They might even tell you what to wear, how to wear it, and where to wear it. I mean, the list can go on and on, but you get it, control is control, and it "ain't" attractive, at all! It can be very frustrating dating/being in a relationship with & working with a controlling person. I've always stood firm in my decision never to tolerate a control freak. My parents raised me well. A controlling person does not have control of themselves and even lacks the attention they seek. They control the relationships and the environment because they can't get away with it at home, at work, church, school, etc. My Pastor will often say, "when you feel forced or a spirit of control, that is the enemy, but when you feel lead, that's the Holy Spirit." That will always stick with me.

An untruthful flag is a person who walks in the darkness of lies. Often in relationships, when a person carries a deceitful spirit, their lies will spread like traffic on a Los Angeles freeway. Still, before they know it, those lies eventually crash and collide because one lie is not enough for some people. Instead, they'd rather joy ride in a carpool of untruthfulness. Untruthfulness from someone in a relationship can have you in a spirit of denial and compromise. Some deny that what they see and hear is not a lie; in fact, they think it's just them. Well, I have news for you, it's not just you, it is what it is.

A lie is a lie, and an untruthful person is a dishonest person. I never understood how someone could lie for a living as if it's a full-time job with benefits. As a child, I was afraid to lie to my grandmother about anything. She put the fear of God in me at a very young age. She would always say, "I don't like a liar, because when you tell one lie, you have to tell another, then another and another to catch up to the first lie," there's that crash & collide. Well, in my mind, that was just too much work for me, and honestly, I wasn't and still not good at it, so lying isn't my thing. LOL! Thanks to my late grandmother! Now, some of us may have compromised with an untruthful person thinking, "oh, they'll change; they just made a mistake. Whatever excuses you make for them, you are not helping them, and then you are willingly compromising. No way should you compromise with someone who willfully lies. Get away from that and check it right away! Don't compromise or play with a lying spirit. Confront it and tell them what God says, leave this on their mind, "Thou shall not lie." If a relationship doesn't begin, continue or end with trust, you need to trust what you see and hear and recognize a lie as a lie, then move on. After all, don't you want better?

Manipulation as a red flag in a relationship is when a person does or says something to you in a skillful manner. These types of people can act like insanely clever foxes. They often use indirect, deceptive, and underhanded tactics to try and control your mind and emotions. They are users and abusers. They are liars and controllers. A person with a spirit of manipulation will plot in a sneaky way to get what they want. It looks like this; they will tell you anything to get you to kiss them on the first date or have sex with them against your will. A manipulative person will try to get money out of you not once but several times if you don't see that creative spirit working behind the scenes. Manipulation is filling your mind with anything, so they could get what they want out of you. Manipulation can also create a heart of confusion and mind control. Still, you must see it for what it is and recognize the strength you have or can have in Jesus to deal accordingly with a relationship-driven by manipulation.

Selfishness is a red flag because it leaves you feeling alone in a relationship. Who can honestly say that being in a relationship with a selfish person is okay and worth dealing with anybody? Not I said the cat! LOL! It's not a fun place to be when you're in a relationship with a selfish person. A selfish person doesn't like to help others, and they don't like to share, don't want to pay for dinner, a movie, some don't even like to split the bill, LOL! There is so much more to this madness, but you get it. I'm sure that you can call out more unselfish characteristics than I can now, but for the sake of time, these are a select few that I hope none of you who is reading this will settle for that. You are worth more than a selfish settlement.

Lastly, verbal abuse is one of those red flags that sting. It can damage a person's spirit. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Remember the saying, "sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Well, I used to believe that until I experienced verbal abuse and realized that it hurts. Words can have a lasting effect and might take longer to heal than a wound. However, verbal abuse is being let down in relationships, called names, cursed out, etc. In relationships, the effects of verbal abuse can cause one to believe negative things about themselves and eventually bring about self-esteem issues. My mom always says, "if you can't help me, don't hurt me," and "If you have nothing good to stay, it's better not to say anything at all." Verbal abuse in its very abusive power can also be a catalyst for physical abuse. So know and understand this, you are worth more than an offensive appointment.

If you have noticed any of these red flags in your relationships, pray first, pause, and re-evaluate your relationship because red flags are signs that something is off. It will not be in your best interest to constantly watch those red flags thrown up. Instead, be vigilant, & pray for wisdom. Don't ignore red flags and know when you should go! We've read about just a few red flags, but there are several more. I can honestly say that I've experienced every red flag discussed in this blog and more, but I had to recognize them for what they were, confront them and move on. Some were difficult to believe, as deception was there playing its' role, and it took me a while to come to my senses. However, when I did come to my senses. I realized that red flags are not to be confused with reckless romance, an "oh, I'm just playing, I didn't mean it," or "it's not what you think," I prayed and asked God to help me with how I should react and show me a way of escape. We will get into more about red flags another time and look out for part 2 of this topic. I'll leave you with this scripture, "Do not be deceived: "Bad company ruins good morals." 1 Corinthians 15:33. Thank you for reading. I hope and pray that you have learned from my experiences.

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Much love,

Demetria