Hi singles! I hope that you enjoyed the last blog topic “Hit with Rejection, but Covered by God’s Protection”. This week we will talk about waiting and dating. First, let’s talk about what it means to date and what dating really is because oftentimes we can mistake dating for committed relationships and that’s just not it. Dating is actually taking data of someone. Dating can be a form of courtship that consists of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others. Dating can be going out with different people as you are on a mission simply looking for and hopefully finding or meeting “the one”.
Here are a few pointers to keep in mind when it comes to addressing the question,
“What is Dating?”
A prearranged planned activity between two people.
Traditionally arranged by the male.
Only a date when one asks the other to share an activity. (might I add, for Ex. going out for dinner, a movie, bowling, skating, lunch, breakfast, coffee, Etc.)
Ref. https://www.slideshare.net/mobile/mrodgersjps/unit-4-dating
In what i’ve come to learn about dating is that it also consists of seeking interests in someone by getting to know them, and “setting a date” to meet up and hopefully enjoy one another’s company. Dating can be risky and it can also be fun, however, remember that you are simply taking data to see where it can possibly lead to and an opportunity to learn more about the person you are dating. Now, dating can include several people which means that most individuals who date are into the dating game which is not always cool because some people wind up growing attached and falling in love not knowing that the other party is dating someone else. This is why it is wise to establish an understanding of “friendship” to where the both of you know that there aren’t any motives, no strings attached and no specific expectations but establish boundaries and restrictions so that the both of you have a steer clear understanding about what is and is not allowed. Let me just point this out, never make the mistake of assuming someone is okay with something, for Ex. ( a hug or kiss on the 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd date) always inquire or address any concerns while keeping mind, you are just “taking data”. That way no one feels that they’ve been taken advantage of or disrespected because you’ve shared your boundaries and set your restrictions as well as put things in place to hopefully experience things flowing as naturally and organically as possible. On the flip side of this, when you are dating more than one person, make sure that others know that because some might not be comfortable with that even when there is an understanding of not committing to solid relationship at the time, in other words, don’t lead people on because some are not the dating type, some are in fact the straight to relationship type. Some people experience dating anxiety and would much rather meet someone, get to know them and hopefully form a relationship of commitment, while some might not even know how to date. But this is why I am here to help you out with this dating and waiting thing. My whole take on dating though is that it is better date one person at a time, because if you are dating several people that can get a bit confusing and I would say that at that point, you are playing the dating game and you couldn’t possibly know what you want. However, when you know what you want, you chose date one person at a time until the “what you want and desire” comes. It’s as simple as not wasting your time nor anyone else’s, which takes me to the better half of this topic, “wait”.
The question is asked, “Date or Wait”? Waiting happens when you have made it up in your mind that you are going to wait for the one, and wait for the desires of your heart to come into your life for once and for all. It’s almost like a fairy tale, waiting to meet your princess/queen or prince/knight in shining armor. But let’s be real, those fairy tale love stories about the one just appearing out of nowhere or appearing after a kiss is not likely, I mean come on now. It’s not like he/she is just gonna magically appear and I don’t believe in magic, at all! Do you remember the song “Do you believe in magic”? I’d always answer loudly, NOPE! LOL! He or she is not gonna just appear out of nowhere. I’d say it like my mom told me, “how do you expect to meet someone and you hardly ever get out and go anywhere? He’s not gonna just show up at your door-step, i’m not saying go out looking for him, but be in the position to be found”, Wow! thanks mom, i’m out the door now LOL! I’m joking there but what she said is true. Waiting is great when you are not shut off from living-your-life. Don’t just shut yourself off, lock yourself in and call yourself waiting, no get out with your friends and mingle with others, and you never know, you just might meet someone and get a date. Dating is a part of waiting though or at least, it should be because think about it like this, when you date, aren’t you really waiting to finally meet the one, fall in love and eventually get married? I mean that is logical right? I can tell you from experience that dating can also become overwhelming when you do it so quickly without giving yourself time for yourself. It’s like you’ve went out with several people and sometimes you’ve either gotten to know very little about them or sometimes, too much and when you sit back and think about it all, the real concern is that you haven’t even taken out time to GET TO KNOW YOU, but all of your time has been spent on trying to get to know others when on the flip side, you can’t always be sure that what you think you know is all true. As you date others, it is important to also date yourself. When you know who you are, you won’t struggle so much in dating and getting to know someone else as you take data because you know you, and you know what you want, desire and have prayed for. It’s as simple as that.
Now, dating and waiting does go hand and hand because as you date, most times we are waiting to meet the one and call it a day! And by that I mean, sealing the deal to marriage and a future together. It is totally possible to be dating and waiting at the same time because think about it, if you don’t date and just call yourself waiting, you might never get to meet the one you’ve been praying and trusting God for. However, God does have a way of doing things in His own way and it just might happen intentionally the way God wants it by divine appointment when you meet someone after just waiting and they wind up being your lifetime partner, (husband/wife). So, there’s different levels to this thing. It’s no more than purchasing a home, most of us already have in mind what type of house we want, how many bedrooms, bathrooms, Sq. footage, color, specs, etc. once we buy that house, most often we’ve sought out a realtor, and have taken a look or visit at different homes until we seal the deal on our dream come true/home sweet home. You’ve researched info, you took a tour, you’ve asked questions and even taken classes. All of that and more… helps you in your home purchasing process. Just like this process, the dating and waiting process is similar, you are carefully taking data, asking questions, while voicing your desires all to see if that’s what you really want and have prayed for. I would say in dating and waiting, most times, you can’t have one without the other. Mind you, I didn’t say a thing about sex and dating because “getting to know” someone can be on another level as in the bible days and I don’t want you to get it twisted thinking that sex is something that should come with the process in dating. No, you should be practicing celibacy anyway because you are not married, but that’s a topic soon to come another day. I just really want to drive home the clear understanding and point about dating and taking data all the while waiting to meet the one you’ve been praying to God for and have desired. Now, as you date, don’t put a specific time limit on your waiting season, let God orchestrate His perfect plan and perfect will as only He can, besides, He knows when you’re ready but you must know that as well. So, with that being said, waiting and dating goes hand and hand. It’s like part of the lyrics from the t.v. show “Married with Kids” (Love & the marriage, love & the marriage, go together like a horse and carriage, this I tell ya’ brother, you can’t have one without the other…) LOL!
Here are a few quick tips and advice as you date & wait:
Pray in all things, & keep God first.
Share with God the desires of your heart, but delight yourself in Him. (Psalm 37:4)
Take data in your dating.
Date wisely.
Dating should not be a game but at some point, should lead to gain (marriage).
Don’t date with relationship expectations, or force, let things grow naturally and organically.
Pray and wait as you date.
Maintain celibacy as you date and wait.
Take time to date you.
Get to know, before getting to know…. if you know what I mean.
Remember that dating should be a purposeful mission with the mindset of marriage someday, if that is what you desire.
Trust God’s perfect plan and perfect will.
I hope that you have been blessed, encouraged, and empowered!
Much love, peace, & blessings, Demetria
Before you go, I have something for you!
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